Page 1 of Timmy Octavian's writing

1. 5 Reasons Why I Want The World To End In 2012 1. I Won't have To Work I have watched a lot of movies about the end of the world and the days after and I noticed that after the world ends the job market as we know it is nonexistent. In other words nobody works. I know what your... (posted by Timmy Octavian 161 days 10 hours ago.)

2. I Totally See That Happening: My Predictions For 2011 1. Micheal Jackson Will Be Spotted In The Caribbean If you think the King of Pop is really dead than you are not a real Micheal Jackson fan. Jacko is still alive and in 2011 he will be spotted on some remote island in the Caribbean surrunded by a... (posted by Timmy Octavian 1 year 163 days ago.)

3. 5 Things I'm Willing To Do For An IPhone 4 I'm too poor to afford Apple's new Iphone4. This is no real surprise because I was too poor to afford IPhones 1-3 as well. And chances are that unless there is some drastic change in my fortunes in the near future I won't be able to afford the... (posted by Timmy Octavian 1 year 333 days ago.)

4. 3 Surefire Ways To Stop The Gulf Oil Leak Today! Since the sinking of the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig people have been screaming for BP or the U.S. government to figure out a way to stop the millions of gallons of oil that are gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. Isn't that just like people?... (posted by Timmy Octavian 1 year 335 days ago.)

5. Oh! You Poor, Poor Writer! The recession has hit all of us pretty hard. But chances are it is hitting you harder than it is hitting me. You see, I was poor before the recession, I'm poor during the recession, and chances are I'll be poor after the recession is long... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 133 days ago.)

6. 5 Reasons Why I Refuse To Turn 30 I'm supposed to turn 30 years old this month. But I think I'm going to refuse and stay 29 another year or so. 'Why', you ask? Well I'll tell you why... 1. By the time my Father turned 30 he had a great job, a beautiful wife, a nice home, 2 1/2... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 233 days ago.)

7. 5 Surefire Ways To Nab The Girl of Your Dreams I constantly overhear guys asking for advice on how to land that special girl that they have been eyeing for months but have so far had no success in dating or even starting a conversation with in most cases. I overhear these conversations... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 237 days ago.)

8. Top 5 Reasons Why I Blog I blog, and I'm not ashamed of it. Sure it's addictive and I could probably put the time I spend on it to better uses like showering, eating, or going to work. However I feel that being smelly, malnourished, and unemployed is a small price to pay... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 240 days ago.)

9. If I Lose My Job Blame Ashley Tisdale & Twitter There was a time when I swore that I would never get on Twitter. I just didn't see the point. Why would anyone want to sit around all day reading about what other people were doing in 140 characters or less. I was far too busy with work... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 248 days ago.)

10. 5 Things I Learned From Twitter (In Under A Week) I recently decided to give Twitter a try. Facebook had become too involved for me and I figured that 140 characters or less was right around the ideal amount of interaction I was looking for from strangers online. So I signed up. And like most... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 260 days ago.)

11. 3 Ways to Keep From Killing Your Co-Workers Have you ever had one of those days when you understood why postal employess show up at work with Uzis and spray the whole mailroom? Have you ever prayed for the freedom to commit just ONE murder so you could show your boss just what you thought... (posted by Timmy Octavian 2 years 262 days ago.)

12. It's All Your Vault:My Take On Buying A Bank With so much talk about banks being bought and sold in the news lately I decided that maybe I should get involved in this whole bank business. After all I have about $17.43 saved up and I've been wanting to invest it. Up until now my investment... (posted by Timmy Octavian 3 years 218 days ago.)

13. You Can Lead A Horse To Church, But You Can't Make Him Pray... For years I have been warning my fellow Americans about the ever-growing epidemic of devil worshiping horses that is sweeping our country. Of course, everyone just laughed at me. "Imagine," they said, "Mr. Ed in leagues with Lucifer. It's... (posted by Timmy Octavian 3 years 225 days ago.)

14. I Think That Pirate Just Swiped My IPod I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that when you woke up this morning being kidnapped by pirates probably wasn't on your list of Things to Worry About. Don't beat yourself up over this. Many Americans are blind to threat that pirates have... (posted by Timmy Octavian 3 years 240 days ago.)

15. I Think I'll Send the Economy a Get Well Card From bits of news I pick up while flipping between Law & Order, Project Runway, and Hannah Montana I gather that the economy isn't doing so well. I don't really know what's wrong with it, maybe it's got that new flu bug that's going... (posted by Timmy Octavian 3 years 245 days ago.)

16. Ask Timothy Ward: Racist, Recessions, and the Crisis of Midlife Hi I'm Timothy Ward, licensed advice columnist and avid liar. Daily I receive countless emails and letters from real people with real problems just like you. I throw away or delete most of these letters and emails because, quite honestly, real... (posted by Timmy Octavian 3 years 293 days ago.)

17. Welcome To Poverty 101: Day 1 I'd like to start off by welcoming everyone to Poverty 101. My name is Tim Ward and I'll be your instructor for the semester. Poverty 101 is a great class and I hope you all enjoy taking it as much as I love teaching it. Please feel free to raise... (posted by Timmy Octavian 4 years 277 days ago.)

18. Tim Ward Is Hotter Than You Inspiration for the articles I write doesn't always come instantly. That's why I spend hours upon hours each day surfing the internet and visiting various websites. This may sound like time wasted or goofing off but I assure you that I am working.... (posted by Timmy Octavian 4 years 281 days ago.)

19. Great Coloring Book Rebirth I bought a coloring book yesterday from Wal-Mart. I hadn't colored in years and I got the strangest urge to do so out of the blue. I also bought a 24-pack of Crayola crayons. The box says they are non-toxic which is a relief. I just wonder who... (posted by Timmy Octavian 4 years 302 days ago.)

20. 5 Surefire Ways To Get Over Your Ex After mountains of letters, tons of emails, and numerous phone calls at 2 a.m. that consisted solely of sobs and sniffles, I have decided to address the issues of breaking up with and getting over ex-lovers. Technically, I am probably not the best... (posted by Timmy Octavian 5 years 277 days ago.)

21. 5 Reasons Why You Should Quit Your Day Job Most of us would stop working if we could. We constantly dream about it, but that's about as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 just seems inevitable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master at defying the inevitable. I stare 'The Inevitable' in... (posted by Timmy Octavian 6 years 218 days ago.)

22. Build Trust Through Ezine Articles People are by nature untrusting. We start out as children trusting any and everyone but as the years roll by and the heartaches mount we learn to trust fewer and fewer people. I have a saying that I've lived by for many years: 'Trust no one but... (posted by Timmy Octavian 6 years 250 days ago.)

23. The Bare Truth About My Butt Quiz Forget about the SAT, never mind the FCAT, and remove forever from you mind any thoughts about the ACT. All these test pale in comparision to the examination that I just failed. Failing those test may have minor repurcussions like never making it... (posted by Timmy Octavian 6 years 329 days ago.)

24. 5 Surefire Ways to Ruin Any Website Owning a website gives you certain rights. For example, you have the right to plaster your URL all over the doors and windows of your SUV in hopes that someone in one of the 7 cars you pass on the way to work will get the urge to visit your... (posted by Timmy Octavian 7 years 38 days ago.)

25. 3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless... (posted by Timmy Octavian 7 years 38 days ago.)