Oh! You Poor, Poor Writer!
Posted: Friday, January 15, 2010
by Timmy Octavian
The recession has hit all of us pretty hard. But chances are it is hitting you harder than it is hitting me.
You see, I was poor before the recession, I'm poor during the recession, and chances are I'll be poor after the recession is long gone.
That's just one of the perks that come with living below the poverty line: Even when you lose everything, you really haven't lost all that much...
Surely I'm exaggerating just a little bit. Surely I haven't really slept on a twin-sized mattress and boxspring that I found next to a dumpster for over a year and a half. Surely I don't really routinely tote bags of change to the Coinstar machine to cash them in so I can pay my share of the light bill. Surely, Timothy J. Ward, you must be sprinkling just a little Exaga-Dust on those articles.
Once and for all, let me set the record straight: I AM that POOR!
I appreciate the fact that people feel that my articles and writing style are far too sophisticated to come from a person who sleeps on hand-me-down furniture. I want to thank my loyal readers for finding the laughs, giggles, and guffaws that my writings occasionally elicit from them so priceless that they cannot fathom this author being anything less than a multi-millionaire. This kind of support makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Or perhaps those are hunger pains. It's hard to tell sometimes...
I've often wondered if I could use the meager bit of writing skill that I have to break through the Poverty Barrier and in to the paradise that is Middle Class Living. But alas, I was born in the wrong century. No one reads anymore. And I can't really blame them, why read when you can Youtube. Or if you are inclined to read why would you possible read a WHOLE article when you can get the 140 character synopsis on Twitter. I should have been born in the Dark Ages. People read back then.
Of course the real reason why writing will probably never land me on the Forbes 500 list is because I suffer from extreme writers block. Which is to say I am extremely lazy. Most days I am just far too exhausted to open up Notepad and type words, let alone string them into sentences. Besides who wants to write when you can Youtube...
But sometimes I wonder: What if I could get up the energy to write on a daily basis? What if I did start and consistently publish a blog? What if I could get that humor column going that I have been dreaming about since 2003? Would I be able to actually make any money? And if so, would it be enough to buy a new bed?
Until the day rolls around when I can answer these questions, or I win the lottery, I guess you can expect more of the same from me. More sporadic articles about my life and the total lack of monetary fulfillment in it. More Twitter posts about my infatuation with Lisa Nova, 99 cent energy drinks, and women whose names end with the letter 'I'. And, of course, you can expect to see me down at the local Coins-to-Cash machine, getting a few dollars for all the spare change I scraped up around the house. After all, I gotta pay for my Exaga-Dust supply somehow; because it ain't cheap...even in a recession.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)I am chuckling all the way to the coin machine - and if I ever get a check for anything I write it will be a big cherry on top - enjoyed the read! Marijo (Mary Jo - dad was a creative speller.)Ain't coin machines grand??? Thank you for reading and for the comment. Be sure to let me know when/how you get that check...
Forget writing comedy Timothy. (Although you'd be GREAT at it.) You need to write a song to hit the big time. Hmmmmm. "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground." Can you believe it? Life's a funny thing.
Timothy, you can write your own Humor Column right here in Searchwarp, guaranteed that I will be the first one to read and comment. You can do it! Thanks for sharing this well-written, humorous piece. You made my day. Blessings.~Nenita~
I identifyed completely with this article. The earthy angst and smooth flow of the text denotes a talented and creative writer. Some of the best work of painters and writers was created in starving garrets. It would seem that the fewer shiny lures we have dangling before our eyes, the more we are able to focus on our inner selves. Bravo! Encore!------ Ella
I think Ella may have something there. But, I also think if you ever find the energy to write every day, you'll probably have more coins to take to the machine. Maybe not enough to qualify for 'middle class', but hey, it will probably beat a sharp stick in the eye. I've not read any of your stuff before, but definitely will in the future.
Hi Timothy.I don't even use the coin machine. I count the coins and roll them myself. I've convinced me it's more profitable to do it that way. But then I have a checking account I can deposit them in. I'm betting you don't.I think you are a great writer, but I won't say you can make money at it. Goodness knows, I haven't. I'm not saying I'm a great writer, but I do manage to get out at least one article a week.Well, keep on writing, because I want to hear more.Dianne
Look man, Timothy, you really cracked me up with this piece. I laughed so hard I could pass out. OK, I do the coin machine trip too, once a year, but now I know it's the poor thing to do...thanks to you. Yeah, keep writing...you never know when you'll hit that jackpot. You're on your way...I think...no crystal ball here. ~mogama~
Yes. You are most certainly gifted. No question about it. And I believe you. (you're poor. I get it.) BUT (isn't there always a 'but'?!)...hear this well....you're ALWAYS going to be "poor" not because you're not talented or because you were born in the wrong era or because "people don't read". You'll always be poor because IT'S WHAT YOU EXPECT. Chew on that for a while...maybe your belly will stop growling. (grin). KEEP WRITING. Not because you're going to get rich (you will if you keep writing...I don't care what 'they' say!) but because it's your gift and you really need to share it. You'll see. (Oh. and one more thing: maybe instead of posting your brilliance on the net for free reads, you might like to use some of that time to write a book. Yes. People DO buy books.)
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