I Totally See That Happening: My Predictions For 2011
Posted: Thursday, December 16, 2010
by Timmy Octavian
1. Micheal Jackson Will Be Spotted In The Caribbean
If you think the King of Pop is really dead than you are not a real Micheal Jackson fan. Jacko is still alive and in 2011 he will be spotted on some remote island in the Caribbean surrunded by a slew of witch doctors and a couple of island kids who don't know any better. On the bright side, most Caribbean dwellings do not have balconies so the children should be safe in that respect...
This one is bound to happen. We've seen her almost naked, we've seen her grinding all over her director, we've seen her drunk, we've seen her high, now all that is left is to see her in her birthday suit.
It's coming people and it's coming in High Definition. My guess is the photos will appear right about the time she is about to release a new movie or album.
3. Kanye West Will Get Assasinated
I love Kanye West. I was a fan of his back when most people didn't know who he was and the ones that did were still mispronouncing his name. I love Kanye's music and his style. I even like the fact that he throw tantrums and runs off at the mouth.
However, most of the world has just about had enough. I thought they were going to kill him after the whole Taylor Swift episode, but he went away for awhile and dodged that bullet. But now that he's back and doing crazy stuff again it's clear that Kanye will never stop. It's like he is addicted to making people hate him.
And that's why in 2011 someone will shoot him. And we all know that the murder will go unsolved because, as mainstream as Mr. West is, he is still a rapper...
4. Prince Charles Will Die
Prince Charles is now 62. He's lived a very interesting life. I think in 2011 the burden of waiting for his mother to die so he can be King of England will get to be too much and he will die. I predict he will die in his sleep. Then again it might be a hunting accident, handling those hounds can be tricky when one is over 60.
His death will be a media cash cow with lots of funeral coverage, made-for-TV specials about his life, and dull documentaries about the royal line of the House of Windsor. And you just know that the whole Diana story will be rehashed and new conspiracies will come to light.
All in all not too bad a sendoff for a guy who really didn't do much in his whole life but spend Mommy's money and marry a pretty girl.
5. BP Will Go Bankrupt
Yep, BP is gonna go belly up. The US government is already planning on suing BP for damages to the Gulf or something like that. You just know Mexico is going to sue next, and then Cuba, and then Canada, and so on. Eventually every country that might have even remotely been close to thinking about looking at pictures of the Gulf of Mexico will be suing BP.
In the end BP will hold a lot of boring hearing on C-Span and then file bankruptcy. In 2013 BP will quietly resurface under some innocent name like The TranOilGlobe Group and start raping the Earth all over again. But by then everyone will have forgotten about the whole Gulf Oil Spill incident.
We will have forgotten because of the wholesale memory loss that will come as a result of years of eating contaminated food from the Gulf of Mexico. But this might have been BP's plan all along.
6. Angelina Jolie will Adopt a White Kid.
HaHaHa just kidding! We all know that won't happen.
7. Mel Gibson Will Visit The Promised Land.
HaHaHa! Kidding again! Sorry I couldn't help myself. I promise the next prediction will be for real.
8. Willow Smith Will Go To Rehab
Come on people, you should have seen this one coming. All that hair whipping? Did you really think that's just a song. No, nervous ticks and uncontrollable body jerking are some of the first signs of drug use.
And have you seen how skinny that girl is? I'm not saying she's on smack, I'm just saying there is something coursing through that girl's bloodstream other that just talent and good genetics.
And who can blame her for partying at such a young age? Can you imagine the pressure she has been under since the day she was born. She was expected to be famous. Granted she has started down the road to fame but we all know what is going to happen when the second single from her album, Scratch My Arms And Neck, drops. Hello Betty Ford...
9. Google & Facebook Will Go To War.
Google has been the most powerful force on the internet for years now. Facebook is this new upstart that is rapidly gaining popularity. Pretty soon instead of saying 'Google it' people will be saying 'Facebook It' or the the really cool people will say or text "JFBIT" (Just FaceBook It). You can imagine what this will do to Google's ego.
Google will change it's motto from 'Do No Evil' to 'Do No Evil Unless It's Against Those Facebook Geeks'.
The time will come when all internet users will have to pick sides. You will either have to be with Google (Team G) who has the overall power and influence advantage, or with Facebook (Team FB) who has the strategic advantage born from years of playing Mafia Wars. There will be no middle ground. Except for the few people who still use Yahoo (Team Ya..Who?).
This will be no ordinary war however. You can forget about fighting with guns and tanks. This war will hit a lot closer to home. The weapons will be your privacy and personal information. And it won't be over until one side gets it all and the other side has nothing left to try and learn about you.
10. Bernie Madoff Will Announce His Candidacy For President of the United States
Think about it, who better to lead us out of this economic crisis that a financial wizard like Bernie Madoff. He doesn't need acutal money or capital to help us beat this recession, he can just come up with some of his Ponzi-like magic and get us back on top.
Imagine the types of scams he could run on the Chinese. Given enough time he might be able to get us or country back.
As to what political party will endorse Mr. Madoff I think this is obvious, birds of a feather flock together and I think Bernie will feel right at home with all the other liars, cheaters, and swindlers in the Republican Party. And his running mate will, of course, be Sarah Palin...
That's all folks. Have a great 2011!
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)This is hilarious! Poor Prince Charles! I'd be thrilled to see BP go bankrupt, and as for Google and Facebook - it's bound to happen. Whoever gets Assange and the hacktivists on their side will win, of course...
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