5 Reasons Why I Want The World To End In 2012
Posted: Sunday, December 18, 2011
by Timmy Octavian
1. I Won't have To Work
I have watched a lot of movies about the end of the world and the days after and I noticed that after the world ends the job market as we know it is nonexistent. In other words nobody works.
I know what your thinking: with unemployment the way it is today it seems like no one is working now. Hahaha. Yes, you have a point. But once the Earth is destroyed by aliens from the planet Zarthud with deadly Alpha-Gamma Bombs NO ONE will be working...Not even lawyers.
2. Women Always Dress Like Sluts
Have you ever noticed that in almost all the Post Apocalyptic movies you've ever seen the women dress like total skanks?
They either wear very skimpy animal skins or really tight fitting leather outfits or some other weird material that leaves almost nothing to the imagination.
This is very strange because it would seem like an Earth where the sky are filled with toxic chemicals and the ground is rough, rocky and infested with flesh eating insects would be the one place where you actually would want to cover up and leave something to the imagination.
However, I am all for Woman's Rights and I am totally willing to trade the technological advances and comforts we have today for a post nuclear world where the women dress like hookers if that is what makes them feel Empowered.
3. Swords Will Come Back In Style
For some reason all movies and shows about the future and especially a future where the world has been destroyed always have swords in them. The people could still have guns, they might even have better guns that we have now, but they always have swords too.
I don't know about you but I have been waiting for this my whole life. Finally all those hours I spent fencing with branches and broomsticks in my backyard as a child will payoff. While the rest of you are running from zombies, post-nuclear Nazis, and infected dobermans I will be wielding my sword and slaying all evil that comes near.
And you can bet I'll be doing it with wearing nothing but a sheath and a loincloth. Why should the ladies get all the cool outfits.
4. Can You Say 'Mutant Powers'
I think it is a foregone conclusion that the world is going to end by nuclear holocaust. This means that after the plutonium-filled smoke clears and the uranium-filled dust settles there will be mutations aplenty to go around.
I don't know about you but I could use a little mutated DNA in my genetic makeup. Don't get me wrong I love my body now but I would love it even more if I had X-Ray vision, 4 extra arms, or the abilitiy to shoot lasers from my eyes.
Of course, everyone probably wouldn't get good mutations, some folks would probably get stuck with extra pairs of beady eyes, skin full of elbows, or knees where their heads should be and vice versa, but this is necessary so you can tell the good mutants from the bad mutants.
5. Finally Get To Travel
After the world ends it seems that people do a lot of traveling. Most of the time the are looking for water or food or fleeing from impending doom, but travel is travel.
The way the world is now it takes money and proper documentation to travel, after the world ends all it will take is feet (or perhaps tentacles. See #4).
Just imagine being able to go to all the places you've ever wanted to visit but were unable. I could go to the Grand Canyon, which will now be even grander considering it has opened up and swallowed California.
I could visit Jamaica which due to global warming is now right off the coast of New Jersey.
Or I could finally make that trip to Europe which is only partially occupied by giant boars (the other half is occupied by Frenchmen (giant bores...hahaha).
And to top it all off I would never have to stop travelling to go home because technically I have no home because Florida is now overrun by Old People Zombies that drive really slow and eat anything under the age of 60.
What a life! Imagine being able to travel till your heart is content. Or your heart explodes from Alpha-Gamma radiation...
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hey Timmy, I really liked your post, though there are some things in there that were a little "Off Centre", but hey, I'm a critic. I also run my own Comedy Club Blog, so I realise the intentions of double meaning with a comedy element.
For the record, it took me about three reads of this article and forty-five minutes to come to the conclusion you deserved the 5 Stars - and don't worry, I haven't billed you for the time - for which led me to give you a High 5, too.
Seriously though, if women walk around like that after an Apocalypse, I'm all for the End of the World, but only "As we know it". Sure would be a shame to miss all that top talent from the result of a complete wipe out.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and post. Have a great Christmas and very prosperous New Year.
Regards
MKDS67
Oh, and I became a Fan, so that I can see what other Zany stuff your going to do. Stay Lucky.
Lol classic!
I totally get you, you see, my childhood with all the kame-hame-ha and pokeballs was not a long time ago. :)
I see you posted your last article one year ago, must feel so nice, welcome back!
lol--fun stuff--I have to ollow you on twitter.
Good humorous article- demonstrates a great sense of humor, imagination and talent. Although we must knock these movies down a few notches to get to anything resembling reality- they are after all, in the business of fantasy. Enjoyed this- look forward to more- Thanks- Always Ella
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